are you so shy because you have an std?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
