I accidentally had phone sex last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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