Just fell off a train. Bad.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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