The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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