I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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