can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
