smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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