I think I died a long time ago.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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