turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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