my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
