i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
