Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
