Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have post one night stand depression
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