Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i think my cat just said my name.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
