please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
