my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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