Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
