I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize