i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
