So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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