if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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