Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
