Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found the puke drawer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
