Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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