Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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