College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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