cat food counts as protein by the way
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
