She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
