I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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