just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She bit a glass in half.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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