Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer