do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
