Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”