you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.