Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.