right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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