Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
