Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
