he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize