You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
