The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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