even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
