i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
