i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't deserve a penis
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
