Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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