wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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