Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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