my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
