Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
