I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
