saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
