I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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