I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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