Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize