batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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