its not stalking. its research.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
