Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
