I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
