checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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