I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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