Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i would punch a child for taco bell
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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