that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
