Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
