I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
