Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
