hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
