I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
