Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
