all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
