How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
