he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
