Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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