READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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