Have you finally orgasmed yet?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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